I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
