I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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