shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
