you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
