You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
