Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
