I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
