Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
