you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
