hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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