She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
