Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
