Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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