I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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