...so i touched it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
