Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
