yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
