He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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