Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
