i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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