I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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