Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found puke in my bra..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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