wat bout pragnant strippers??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
