You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
