ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
