He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
