And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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