PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
