if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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