I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
