Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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