I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
