matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
