he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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