YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
