dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
