I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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