Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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