I want to stick my p in your. b.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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