after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
