Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
