I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
