i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
