Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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