He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
