My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
