You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
