i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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