I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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