Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
