Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
