I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
