I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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