between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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