Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
