I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
