Just cropdusted the office
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
