Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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