i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
